Exercising patience on the loss of a Loved One

Main points and synopsis of a touching discourse by Hazrat Shaykh Abdul Mueed Saheb MZ on the demise of his respected wife and life companion

Date : Thursday, 31 January 2013

Time : After Asar Salah

Venue : Khanqah Maseehiyyah, Sukkur, Pakistan

A misconception

A misconception of the living is that we tend to believe that this worldly life will continue perpetually. This is a major deception.

When a beloved one leaves this world it is inevitable that we feel immense pain, grief and sadness at the loss and we tend to think that after death, the deceased is deprived of eating, drinking, wearing clothes and other pleasures, but the reality is that one phase of life has ended and a new phase has commenced.

A human being comes into this world unable to speak, eat, drink and carried in the hands of people. In death the person reverts to this state of helplessness unable to do anything for himself. So just as this person came into this world, so is he leaving.

Death brings a new life and existence

Hazrat Hakimul Ummat Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanwi (Rahimahullah) makes an astonishing point; that we lament about the deceased being unable to be with us to share the pleasure of eating, drinking and companionship. However, the reality is that the one who has departed sees reality and looks back at the narrowness and deception of the world – and wishes for us to join him or her in the true bounties and enjoyment of the Hereafter. This person has traversed the painful journey of this world with all its challenges and impediments. At the end of this tiresome journey the deceased feels the relief of one who returns home from a long tiresome journey.

A person leaves at the appointed time

According to the Wisdom of Allah Ta’ala, each individual leaves at an appointed time. The natural feelings of sadness will definitely be felt by those who are close to the deceased. When a bride leaves her parents’ home on her wedding day, though this is a happy occasion, tears are shed on her departure – but there is a sense of comfort that the bride is going to a new life where she will be happy – so though there are tears in the eyes, the heart feels happy. Similarly, the death of a close family person brings sadness but is also the beginning of a new life for the deceased.

No grief on death itself

Hazrat Qari Tayyib Saheb (Rahimahullah) said, that a Muslim does not grieve over death itself since death is the gift of a believer. Today we are afraid to talk about death, whereas according to the Hadith, this is a bridge that joins the lover with the Beloved (Allah Ta’ala).

One can only reach the real life of the Akhirat and enjoy its bliss through death. Many glad tidings are promised for those who are obedient. In fact the pious physically hear the glad tidying, “O Obedient Soul return to your Rabb in a manner that you are happy with Him and He is pleased with you. “(Surah Al-Fajr)

Soul removed with ease

A Believer’s soul is removed with ease and peace. The obedient soul is addressed by the grave that you are beloved to me because you opposed the advancements of your lowly desires and stayed away from sin. The grave then cushions this person like a mother cuddles her baby. This person is told to sleep like a new bride.

Allah’s Infinite Mercy

Allah Ta’ala has amazing ways of showering his mercy and forgiveness on people. Sometimes the sincerity of the Janazah congregation is a means of forgiveness for the deceased. Also, some Janazahs are such that Allah Ta’ala forgives the congregants on account of the blessings of the deceased.

Indeed, natural feelings of grief and sadness will be felt, but reflecting over these realities will help us to overcome the extreme sadness that the death of our beloved brings. When we feel this way we should say Inna Lillahi wa Inna Ilayhi Rajioon. Allah Ta’ala is the owner of every being and He tests people in different ways according to his Will and Wisdom.

Trials will definitely come to every person in one way or the other. We should be patient and know that WE belong to Allah Ta’ala and Allah Ta’ala will not harm or deprive us as we are His. This is a great consolation for us.

No one can care better for us

The person who has left us was our beloved and one who cared for us. However, Allah Ta’ala is even more beloved and caring for us than anyone can ever be. Whilst separation from the beloved is painful, we have Allah Ta’ala who is Most Loving and All Caring.

Further consolation is found in the fact that we will all eventually return to Allah Ta’ala. The only difference is someone reaches earlier and we will join that person soon.

The sound advice of a Bedouin

When Abbas RA passed away, his son Abdullah RA, was inconsolable. The villager advised that by Abbas leaving no loss has taken place, as initially he was by Abdullah now he is by Allah Ta’ala and being by Allah Ta’ala is better than being by Abdullah – Also, by Abdullah making Sabr he will get closer to Allah Ta’ala – so no one has really lost.

In a Hadith it is mentioned that when someone dies and the family members make sabr upon the loss and praise Allah Ta’ala, then Allah Ta’ala builds a palace named Baitul Hamd for those praising Him.

The pain of loss is both mental and emotional – mentally a person accepts the death but emotionally it takes time to overcome the loss.

Connection with the deceased remains

When a person is alive then we are able to serve the person and express our love and closeness through our relationship.

Now that the person has departed the relationship does not end. It is the right of the deceased that we make dua Maghfirah for him or her.

In a Hadith it is mentioned that when the child reads Rabbirhamhuma kama rabba yani saghira for the parent, the deceased parent receives huge mountains of rewards.

Secondly, the reward of good deeds should be conveyed to the deceased. Isale Sawab serves to strengthen the connection with the deceased.

Thirdly, a person’s presence allows to benefit for their duas and barakah (blessings). We should make dua that these blessings and duas remain with us.

So the relationship continues through Dua Maghfirah, Isale Sawab and conserving the Barakah and legacy of the deceased.

A great contributor of this Khanqah

Since the news broke of the demise, we have been receiving a flood of phone calls and messages from all parts of the world with duas and praise for the respected deceased.

In reality, every man is supported in his achievements by a woman, be it a mother, sister, daughter or wife. Behind every man’s achievements there is a woman’s support and contribution. Sometimes the great work of a person is not apparent in their life but is made apparent after death.

In this way the success of this Khanqah has been hugely due to the services of respected Marhooma, whose unparalleled Khidamat for the Khanqah and its guest has been from its inception.

Many have expressed their deep gratitude for the Khidmah and help that they received from the Marhoomah.

Many Ulama and pious servants of Allah have graced this Khanqah and have been served through the Khidmah of our honourable deceased. The outpouring of grief and messages of praise is a testimony to her acceptance in the Court of Allah.

Allah does as He Pleases 

Allah Ta’ala does as He pleases and none can question Him. Allah Ta’ala says in the Noble Quran “Verily Allah is with the patient”.  There is great consolation in this verse for us. Just as a father says to his child or an employer to the worker that I am with you, I am here for you and there is no need to worry – similarly the one who has departed has entered into the mercy of Allah Ta’ala and enjoying the pleasure of the Hereafter, but the consolation in the verse is for us, that due to the loss do not worry Allah Ta’ala is with you – no matter in which condition we find ourselves in this life, Allah’s support is with. This consolation that Allah Ta’ala gives us cannot be given by anyone. Only Allah Ta’ala can give us this assurance that He is with us no matter what.

Definitely the demise of a beloved is a moment of immense sadness and grief but we should remember the deceased in a good way by fulfilling the respective rights.

May Allah Ta’ala elevate the status of the respected deceased, grant her the highest ranks in the hereafter and crown her efforts with acceptance.

May Allah Ta’ala keep her Barakah and duas with us always.

May Allah Ta’ala grant all the children, close family members and associates true patience and strenght to bear this loss. Aameen.

Allah Ta’ala says “And we will surely test you with fear, hunger loss of wealth, loss of life and loss of crops, therefore give glad tidings to the patient ones.” (Surah Baqarah). 

That life upon which the shadow of death always lurks, what can one say about the condition of such a life. Value these moments of meeting, the time for separation is very close.

Muslims First

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